In most couple relationships there are two topics that couples fight the most about and talk the least about – money and sex.

As a matter of fact, money and sex are often cited as motivating causes for divorce, that is how much pull they have between two people! Both topics are very influential in a couple relationship because they hold our deepest values, contain our secret longings, provide pleasure and security and are our levers of power in life.

I am not exaggerating; money and sex drive a lot of our behavior in committed relationships.

In earlier blogs and articles I have covered some helpful financial tips, so today I want to help you focus exclusively on the importance of sex in your relationship.

The crazy thing about sex is while it is a BIG part of our life, we often act like it isn’t. We silently suffer or secretly pursue our curiosities. Then, by keeping it in the shadows, we allow it to develop unhealthy stigmas, habits, and myths.

When the truth is, a healthy and active sex life is really good for us! It promotes longevity, boosts the immune system, creates bonded and connected relationships, increases our mood and keeps our bodies in shape. The benefits are endless.

However, how open and accepting we are about sex and sexuality starts in our minds. Adopting a Sex Positive attitude is the first step to breaking down old, outdated beliefs and stinking thinking that only serves up platters of unnecessary shame and guilt.

The definition of Sex Positive was initially forged in 1920 by psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich who argued that “a good and healthy sex life led to improved overall well-being” As it trends today; it is defined as having or promoting an open, tolerant, and progressive attitude towards sex and sexuality.

Couples that can embrace being Sex Positive can experience a more vibrant and exciting life together.

Following are 8 Traits of a Sex Positive Couple

  1. SP Couples have an open and positive attitude about sex and intimacy. They aren’t afraid to have a vulnerable and transparent dialogue about sex in their relationship.
  2. SP Couples are willing to learn about sex, intimacy and each other’s bodies. They seek out education and explore new ways of being together.
  3. SP Couples understand that safe sex is about a lot more than preventing pregnancy or STDs. They are aware of emotional and psychological safety with their partner, are interested in their partner’s sexual health history and are willing to be a healing presence.
  4. SP Couples consider sex as a part of staying healthy for their relationship, just like eating well and working out.
  5. SP Couples know it’s okay and normal not to want to have sex sometimes and respect when their partner doesn’t feel like it. They also are willing to talk about the frequency of sex in their relationship and mismatched desire, so these issues don’t cause problems.
  6. SP Couples get help when they have a sexual problem, physical or psychological, and don’t let the concerns linger.
  7. SP Couples work on their intimacy together and pursue new and exciting ways to be with each other.
  8. SP Couples release judgments and are open to hearing and entertaining each other’s fantasies and desires.

As you read through this list, did you find Sex Positive traits that are at present in your relationship?

Did you see areas where your relationship could improve?

I hope that you would be inspired to pursue being a Sex Positive Couple with new permission and a fresh perspective. Your relationship was intended to celebrate a healthy and fulfilling sex life!

If you are looking for some resources to increase your sex education, I would love to have you join me on Season 2 of Evine After Dark. This show is breaking down barriers and helping create Sex Positive attitudes along with offering a private opportunity for you and your partner to learn how you can spice up the bedroom;) Also, if you have wondered about bringing sex toys into your experience, read my recent interview in this Men’s Fitness article.

Until we meet again – love each other well

Jen Elmquist

 

 

 

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